Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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