yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
