True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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