I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
