Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
