her vagine was all disorganized.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
