addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
