you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
