I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We left the knife in your bed.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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