So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
