I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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