I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
