K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
These tits shall not be calmed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
