Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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