Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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