I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
