new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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