You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
