i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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