even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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