I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
