I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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