if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
