Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
