my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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