Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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