I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
