mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
