your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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