the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Panties = found
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
