whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
