i jhust puked up my retainher.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
