He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
