Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
