Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize