dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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