Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
