I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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