I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
