I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize