that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
