I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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