Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
