i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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