My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
