you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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