The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
