you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
