I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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