If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
