I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
