just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't deserve a penis
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
