I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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