This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
