they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
