My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Never underestimate the power of titties
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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