I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
