i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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