Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
