ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
