sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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