i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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